With extra idle time at home for the foreseeable future, I’ve been making productive use of my time by doing what every other self-respecting mother is doing this month.
No, not cooking. Not cleaning. Not laundry.
You know, IMPORTANT activities.
Like scrolling Facebook and Instagram feeds to see how other moms are faring out there.
I’ve seen some pretty funny posts recently on attempts to homeschool one’s kids. I liked this one in particular.
But I’ve noticed that us parents of college kids are getting short shrift on social media. No one seems to understand OUR pain.
So let me set the record straight with this open letter to college kids everywhere who have been yanked home from their college lives.
Kids, when you’re sleeping under our roof, we want to know where you’re going, who you’re gonna be with, and when you’ll be back.
It’s a mom thing. Indulge us so we don’t worry.
We promise not to check up (too often) on you on Find My Friends. And we won’t call you to check in every hour.
And yeah, we know you can’t leave the house but humor us anyway.
This ain’t Waffle House, people, and food isn’t made to order on demand as Chez Living-At-Home-Again.
You get ONE homecooked meal a day called the CHEF’S SPECIAL—dinner— and that’s only if we’re feeling particularly generous and it’s first come, first served.
You’re late to the table? Better hope there’s something left when you get there.
Despite bucking the growing trend, to-go orders and carryout is NOT available.
Also, don’t like what’s on the menu? You can take your chances tomorrow night.
There’s always cereal. Just saying.
We’ve heard a lot on the news that one of the crucial keys to curtailing the spread of coronavirus is containment and I couldn’t agree more.
So, kids, on behalf of moms everywhere, I implore you to CONTAIN YOUR STUFF.
Unattended shoes, clothing, power cords, earbuds and wet towels have a way of multiplying rapidly and infecting other areas of the house.
The only way you’re gonna get through the rest of this semester somewhat unscathed by your mother is to put your things away where they belong.
Or at least throw them in your bedroom and shut the door so they maintain a safe social distancing from your mama.
Ok, the sh!t’s getting real now. No pun intended.
Seriously, a toilet paper shortage?
Attention, Walmart shoppers, we are on immediate toilet paper rationing until further notice.
Every household member will be issued one roll to use in their sole discretion.
I suggest you use it sparingly and hide it from your siblings and father because your mother will not “spare a square” from her own roll this time.
Remember how mom always put the needs of her children ahead of her own?
Yeah, well, that ship sailed when you left for college. Your mama’s own privately issued TP roll is in witness protection for the foreseeable future.
Yeah, I know you’re broke. How do you think we feel? We’ve not only paid for your semester away but now you’re home again and our food and power bill has tripled overnight.
And you don’t need money anyway because you can’t go anywhere.
Be thankful that you are (at least temporarily) on full scholarship with your room & board at home.
Depending on how the rest of the semester goes, work study is not yet off the table.
I hope you enjoyed my attempt at humorizing the mass exodus home of kids from college campuses.
I know it’s not an ideal situation for anyone but together, with humor, my wish is that all families suddenly spending way too much time together come through this season stronger and closer on the other side.
Remember, your family may drive you crazy at times. But they’re the only family you got. Bless their hearts!
Kristen “We’ll Get Through This Together” Marks
P.S. My Pink Lawyer® is holding VIRTUAL appointments for at least the next two weeks. Office staff may be somewhat sporadic answering the phones but you can always schedule a meeting with us online: https://mypinklawyer.youcanbook.me Or email us and we’ll get back with you.
P.P.S. If you find yourself with some extra time on your hands at home, I invite you to connect with My Pink Lawyer® on our Facebook page here. We’ll be holding free LIVE workshops on Facebook and open Q & A sessions. “Like” our page to stay tuned for details.