Raising Independent Kids

Our son called us the other day from parts unknown. He has been backpacking and “bikepacking” solo since the end of October on another continent that does not make most people’s bucket list.

Andrew and I are used to the sporadic yet always welcome check-ins from our youngest child. After all, our daughter broke us in well when she backpacked across the Pond the prior two years.

And the best part for us is that our kids have been traveling on their own dime and planning their own adventures.

To say we’ve raised independent kids is an understatement. I couldn’t be more proud of my twenty-somethings.

When other parents hear about our kids’ adventurous and independent spirits, they ask us what our “secret” is to raising such independent, self-sufficient kids.

Initially we responded that we just got very lucky as parents. Which indeed I still believe.

But after being asked on multiple occasions, I started reflecting a bit more.

Andrew and I have always been very independent people. We have always encouraged independence in our children too. Some examples that initially come to mind include:

• Our kids started doing their own laundry in middle school.
• Our kids managed their own homework assignments and special projects from an early age. We only helped out when they requested assistance which wasn’t very often. My husband didn’t even know what classes our son was taking in high school.
• Jill flew by herself for the first time at age 13 to visit family in Maine. She flew not as an unaccompanied minor but as an adult. When she called me in a panic from Reagan National Airport when her flight was late arriving for her connecting flight, I advised her to check the board to see which gate her next flight was leaving from and told her to “Run!” [She made the flight.]
• Our kids researched colleges themselves, lined up their own college tours, completed their own college applications and essays, and scholarship applications independently. Heck, I wasn’t even completely sure where our son was even applying until after the application deadlines had passed!
• This is a particularly fun one. In high school, Jill complained that “no one at her school” had a curfew. Tired of arguing about it, I finally said that I trusted her and she could come home whenever she felt it was reasonable to do so. Her response? “No, Mom! I don’t want that responsibility!” LOL!

I do not share these stories to give myself or Andrew kudos as parents. It’s just how we raised our kids. It just never occurred to us to be so-called “helicopter” or “lawnmower” parents. Heck, as busy professionals running our own businesses, we didn’t have time to micro-manage our kids’ lives too.

So, it probably doesn’t come as much of a surprise to you that Andrew and I are re-signing our Wills this week leaving our assets outright to our children rather than in trust. Yes, they are still “young” (mid-20s) but given their track records, we believe they are responsible enough to handle their own inheritances when the time comes. 

And, because no one wants the hassle of dealing with the probate courts, we have also confirmed that our kids are the contingent beneficiaries of our life insurance policies and other financial accounts (after naming each other as primary beneficiary). 

Plus, we’ve signed a “ladybird deed” for our Florida home naming our kids are the death beneficiaries of our condo. These estate planning “tools” alone will save our kids thousands of dollars in unnecessary future probate fees.

Of course, when our children were still minors, we did have inheritance trusts in place for them and guardians nominated in writing.

Decisions about how and when it is appropriate for YOUR loved ones to inherit after you die is an important discussion you will have with your estate planning advisor.

At My Pink Lawyer®, we thoroughly discuss your options and then YOU choose the best option at this time for you and your family. And, just as Andrew’s and my estate plans changed after our children got older, YOU will also review and update your own estate plan over time as your family situation changes.

You are in control of your estate planning decisions. After all, it’s YOUR legacy that you have worked hard for and YOU get to choose how to pass the baton to the next generation.

If the wheels are turning on the best way to set up your will, you've come to the right place. Give our office a call at (850) 439-1191 or click the link below to schedule your consultation today!

I’m not sure when we will see our son next. He has a job overseas on yet another continent this summer and he currently plans to begin graduate school overseas in the Fall. 

On the other hand, Jill is back in the country and settled back into her life in Denver with our family cats. Andrew and I can’t wait to visit the cats (and yes, Jill too!) this weekend.

Kristen “Miss Independent” Marks

Founding Attorney, My Pink Lawyer®