I Raised her to be independent so what the hell is my problem?

Kristen Marks

by Kristen Marks

Kristen Marks is a travel enthusiast, empty-nest mom to two young adult children, athlete, attorney, author, speaker, proud wife of almost three decades (to the same wonderful man!), and the founder of My Pink Lawyer®, Florida Estate & Legacy Planning attorneys. Kristen has been crafting professional estate plans for Floridians and their families for over 28 years.

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Bid Day Alabama.jpgMy daughter is pledging Chi Omega at University of Alabama.

“I’m indifferent, Mom, if you come up or not,” my daughter texted me about whether she wanted me to attend her Bid Day following Rush. 


On the one hand I was relieved because it would save me from a mad scramble to sneak away for a quick 24 hours which would include ten hours of driving round-trip.


On the other hand, I was also disappointed that my daughter didn’t care if I was there or not.


Rush was not a big deal at my college.


Rush in the South is a whole other ball game.


If you don’t believe me, check out these crowds of people waiting for their bids and the spectators!

Bid day crowd.png

I know it’s completely irrational to have my feelings hurt by a teenager. Especially since I raised her to be so independent and not to NEED me.


But as a mom, I still want to feel WANTED.

Bids received.jpg

Bids arrive

I made it through Bid Day on Saturday with phone nearby, eager for any text, photo, video clip, facebook post, snapchat, Instagram post, etc. that I could find of the festivities. Thank God for Facebook Groups and the many moms in attendance who kept us other moms posted.


So instead of focusing on what I may have missed (even the parents of her out of state roommates attended Bid Day!—sorry, there I go again), I will instead pat myself on the back for raising an independent, self-sufficient young woman who is perfectly capable of forging new adventures on her own without having to seek the approval of her tired, old mom. 


Andrew and I have tried our best to set our kids up for success in life.


There’s no guarantee they will make good choices, but at least we’ve done our part to support their success.


Part of this support includes getting our own affairs in order so that my husband and I don’t leave a mess behind for our kids should something happen to us.


We just had a young lady visit our office recently whose mother died and the mom did not have current beneficiaries named for her life insurance. The daughter will now have to open a probate (which will cost her thousands of dollars) to receive the life insurance proceeds thereby exposing the money to her mother’s creditors. This could have been avoided if the policy was paid directly to her daughter with a current beneficiary form. No probate, no payment to creditors.


My kids may not ever fully appreciate all that Andrew and I have done, and will continue to do, for them.


I may continue to get my feelings hurt now and then.


But I will forge ahead supporting their independence anyway and setting them up for success. 


After all, at the end of the day, this is the greatest gift and legacy I can leave them.


Kristen “What The Hell is My Problem” Marks


P.S. If you are not sure if YOUR assets may need to go to probate when you die, check out the diagram on page 19 of my book, “Wise Women Protect Their Assets” which will give you a visual description of which accounts will need to be probated. If you don’t have my book yet, you can download it here.


P.P.S. I was having an "emotional mom" moment when I drafted this blog post. In retrospect, I recognize my feelings were not competely rational (thanks for pointing that out, Andrew...kinda). I'm back to normal now (or as normal as I ever am:) 

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