When most people think about “estate planning,” they picture big things: houses, retirement accounts, and life insurance.
But here’s the truth: the biggest fights we see among families often aren’t about money at all.
They’re about stuff.
Grandma’s wedding ring. A grandfather clock. The photo albums. The dining room table where every Thanksgiving dinner was held.
My most prized possession from my grandmother was her kitchenware. She loved to host and each time I pull out her crystal, ornate napkins, and silver serving ware I am filled with memories of our time together.
It’s those sentimental, one-of-a-kind items that tug at the heartstrings—and sometimes cause rifts between siblings who otherwise get along just fine.
We include provisions in your documents (whether it is a Last Will and Testament or Living Revocable Trust) that direct certain items to certain people if there are explicit instructions.
However, for all the other stuff we state often use the language, “to my children [or loved ones] as they agree.”
The Problem With “You All Work It Out”
Many clients assume their children will “just work it out” when they’re gone.
Sadly, we’ve seen this go wrong too many times.
Siblings argue over who gets Mom’s favorite painting.
One child feels blindsided when another quietly claims the family photo albums.
Resentments fester, and suddenly Thanksgiving dinners don’t look the same.
These conflicts are preventable with just a little planning.
The Solution: A Personal Property Memorandum
In Florida (and many other states), you can create a separate written list called a Personal Property Memorandum. This simple document allows you to direct exactly who gets which sentimental item.
- “I want my diamond pendant to go to my daughter Sarah.”
- “My coin collection goes to my son Michael.”
- “The dining room set goes to whichever child hosts family holidays.”
The best part? You can update this list any time without revising your entire will or trust.
We include this memorandum as an exhibit to your dispositive document for your future use.
This is your reminder to fill out your memorandum and update it as life changes!
Another option is to include more detailed instructions for how you’d like your tangible personal property distributed.
Another fun option is to include instructions for “round robin” style selection. Round robin is a scheduling method where items are distributed evenly among a group of people in a rotating order. Once the last person has received their turn, the process starts back at the first person again.
This ensures that everyone gets a fair turn in selecting the items that are important to you.
Some folks get creative and show their personalities here and that’s yet another way to make you plan individually yours.
After all, your estate plan isn’t just about protecting assets.
It’s about protecting relationships, carrying out your wishes, and doing so in a way that makes your loved ones’ lives easier.
By leaving clear instructions for your personal items, you give your family the gift of peace—and the ability to focus on honoring your memory rather than fighting over “stuff.”
Grandma’s jewelry might not have a dollar sign attached, but it carries something even more valuable: family history.
Planning ahead ensures that your legacy is honored, not argued over.
Amanda “Preventing sibling showdowns—one blog at a time” Lynch Elliott
