Although I feel like we just brought her home from the hospital a few months ago, somehow my oldest daughter, Olivia, started kindergarten in August.
All summer long, she eagerly awaited her first day of kindergarten and excitedly shared with me all the “responsibilities” she’d have in the classroom.
The morning finally arrived, and I was filled with a mix of excitement and a hint of anxiety.
“How did we get here already?” I wondered, as she dressed herself in her “big girl outfit” and informed me that she would only be wearing her hair down or in low ponytails from here on out, no more braids or bows.
“Okay, got it.” I mentally noted.
I envisioned a slightly tearful goodbye filled with a hug or two. She is incredibly independent, but this would be a big day even for her.
Many of my friends with similarly aged children messaged me in tearful solidarity.
Deep breath. I was ready.
As we approached the school, the anticipation was palpable. We parked, and I mentally prepared to deliver my best “you’re going to do great” speech.
“Was this pep talk for her, or me?” I wondered as we exited the car…
We walked hand-in-hand to the entrance, where a sea of parents and kids arrived around us. And then it happened.
Before I could even finish saying, “Have a great d—” she spotted her friends. In a flash, my little girl released my hand like it was a hot potato and bolted into the classroom, smiling ear to ear.
Huh. Well, that was anticlimactic.
I stood there in a mix of shock and disbelief. Did my baby just disappear into kindergarten without so much as a backward glance? I blinked as I realized that my carefully crafted goodbye had been usurped by her dash for freedom.
Or, was it?
The goal has always been independence, but this was too much! Couldn’t I have at least had a hug?
The very thing I’d been encouraging—her independence—was the same thing that left me feeling like chopped liver.
As the day went on, I reflected on the bittersweet nature of parenthood.
Yes, it’s hard to let go, but it’s also incredible to see them grow. Independence is and always has been the goal, after all!
We see this struggle play out with many of our clients. When we are planning for our families, it’s a careful balance between encouraging independence while also setting realistic parameters around their inheritance.
While the goal when our children are younger, like mine, is to make sure their guardians are the people of our choosing, and that they have sufficient funds for their care, that goal usually shifts as our children become older.
As our children become more independent, we instead usually see our clients’ priorities shift towards making sure an inheritance would be properly spent.
If a child is under the age of 18, a minor’s trust is necessary. However, many clients choose to extend their children’s trust beyond the age of 18 and allow a beneficiary to take distributions for things like health and education, in their trustee’s discretion.
We often guide clients during the design of their estate plan by asking individualized questions about their child – Are they financially savvy? Spenders or savers? Do they live at home or are they supporting themselves?
We have many clients that get fairly specific about the terms of their children’s trusts, while others take a less restrictive approach.
There is no right answer when it comes to your estate plan. All of our scenarios look different, as do our family dynamics. The answers to these questions allow us to custom tailor your plan to suit your needs and those of your loved ones, too.
Our goal remains to carry out our clients’ wishes in a simplified, cost-effective manner while ensuring a practical administration.
I remind my clients frequently that we do the best we can given our current situation, and that we can make changes as needed in the future as our children mature and life goes on.
And as my daughter is teaching me, our children are oftentimes far more capable than we give them credit for.
Sometimes we are the ones that have to reset our expectations accordingly.
So, while my heart broke a little as she ran off into the world and left me in the dust, I knew that she was right where she needed to be. When I returned to pick her up, she recounted all of the new and exciting work she’d been introduced to, and couldn’t wait to go back.
Amanda “I’ll Just Wave from the Car” Lynch Elliott
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