“Retirement” hasn’t slowed me down in Santa Fe where Andrew and I relocated last summer after handing over the reigns to My Pink Lawyer® to the highly qualified Amanda Lynch Elliott, Esq.
At 56, I’m voluntarily becoming a beginner again.
A few weeks ago, I signed up for swing dance lessons.
Not private lessons.
Group lessons.
Which meant walking into a room alone where I didn’t know anyone, didn’t know what I was doing, and would almost immediately be rotating dance partners with strangers.
Honestly, I almost talked myself out of going multiple times before that first class.
Not because I didn’t want to dance.
Because I felt uncomfortable.
The unfamiliarity.
The lack of control.
The awkwardness.
The thought of being watched while not being good at something.
And what fascinated me most was realizing how quickly my brain interpreted that discomfort as a warning sign.
Maybe I shouldn’t go.
Maybe this isn’t for me.
Maybe I’ll look stupid.
Maybe everyone else already knows what they’re doing.
But I went anyway.
That first class was mostly:
“I’m uncomfortable… but willing.”
I overthought every step.
I worried about looking awkward.
I stayed in my head trying to “get it right” instead of relaxing into the experience.
And then came the partner rotations.
Every few minutes, we switched dance partners.
For someone who likes competence and control, this was… not ideal.
But I kept showing up.
Week two felt slightly different.
I noticed moments where I relaxed enough to think:
“Oh… I could actually see how this becomes fun once it feels more familiar.”
Week three, I started loosening up more.
I stopped taking myself quite so seriously.
I started laughing at myself.
Cracking jokes in class.
Realizing nobody cared if I missed a step.
And by week four, something shifted.
We were learning jitterbug with Charleston kicks, facing our partners and kicking between each other’s legs while trying not to collide with other couples on the dance floor.
Objectively, this should have felt ridiculous.
Instead, I was genuinely having fun.
Somewhere in the middle of all of this, I realized something important:
For a long time, I unconsciously equated competence with safety.
If I was good at something, I felt secure.
If I wasn’t good at something, my nervous system interpreted it as danger.
And honestly, I see versions of this same dynamic all the time when it comes to estate planning.
People avoid creating or updating estate plans for many of the same reasons:
the discomfort of uncertainty
the fear of making the “wrong” decision
the emotional weight of thinking about incapacity or death
the unfamiliar legal process
the feeling of not fully understanding everything yet
So instead, they avoid it.
Not because they don’t care about their families.
Not because they’re irresponsible.
Because unfamiliar things often feel emotionally uncomfortable long before they feel empowering.
But here’s what I learned from those dance lessons:
The goal is not to eliminate discomfort.
The goal is to trust yourself enough that discomfort no longer automatically means stop.
For most of my life, I interpreted discomfort as evidence that something was wrong.
Now I’m beginning to see that discomfort is often just the nervous system’s response to unfamiliarity, not danger.
The interesting part is that nothing external really changed over those four weeks.
The dance classes didn’t become less awkward.
I became more relaxed inside the awkwardness.
That’s the shift.
And in many ways, that’s also what happens when people finally begin the estate planning process.
The conversations become easier.
The uncertainty softens.
The decisions become clearer.
And what initially felt emotionally heavy often becomes deeply relieving.
Not because the topic changed.
Because familiarity and understanding replaced avoidance.
Estate planning is ultimately an act of clarity, preparation, and care.
And sometimes the hardest part is simply being willing to begin.
(And yes… I’m still learning the jitterbug.)
Kristen Marks, Esq.
Founder, My Pink Lawyer®
Founder & CEO, Thrive Law Life™
P.S. My newer work through Thrive Law Life™ explores many of the internal patterns that shape how high-achieving professionals respond to pressure, uncertainty, and growth in both business and life.