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Every Spring we plant a butterfly garden. We go all out with all sorts of beautiful, butterfly-attracting plants and flowers. This year, ten monarch caterpillars munched their way through milkweed leaves before making their way to our porch where they affixed on our furniture.
We then observed them over the next week as they transformed. Olivia, my six-year-old daughter and self-declared "Butterfly Whisperer" named each one.
It was magic. Until it wasn’t.
A few mornings later, Olivia found one of our butterflies (“Lily”) crumpled on the patio, wings curled and too weak to lift. I saw her crouched over it. Then the tears came—big, uncontrollable sobs.
We picked the butterfly up and moved it to the garden to be with its friends. I told her it was the least we could do to make her comfortable – a small but meaningful act that didn’t help much.
As I tried to comfort her, I felt this mix of heartbreak and understanding. I could’ve said, “It’s just a bug.” But I didn’t. Because it wasn’t just a butterfly to her. It was a living thing she’d nurtured, loved, and named.
And death? Well, that’s a part of life we don’t do a great job talking about.
We shield kids (and adults, if we’re honest) from death like it’s a monster under the bed. Something to avoid, ignore, or cover with euphemisms. But death, like our butterflies, is part of a natural cycle. It’s not something we can avoid—it’s the inevitable conclusion to our story.
Just like birth deserves celebration, death deserves compassion, grace, and yes—even a little planning.
The truth is, none of us know exactly how much time we get.
But we do get a say in how we support the people we leave behind. That’s why thoughtful estate planning matters—not just for the bank accounts and the legal stuff, but for the emotional legacy we leave.
It’s about writing down our wishes, choosing who we trust, and making space for the people we love to grieve without the added burden of confusion or conflict.
A comprehensive estate plan shouldn’t just cover the “who gets what,” but should also address your end-of-life decisions for yourself, as well as protect you while you’re here. There are additional documents that may be appropriate for clients that have more specific end-of-life requests, and those requests are contemplated and thoroughly discussed during the initial consultation.
Your estate plan should reflect your wishes for yourself, so your loved ones don’t have to guess to get it right.
I tell my apprehensive clients all the time, talking about death doesn’t make it happen faster. But not talking about it? That can leave behind a mess much scarier than the topic itself.
So let’s take a cue from the butterflies: Live fully, fry freely, and when the time comes—let go with peace.
Because even the smallest wings can leave the biggest impressions.
Amanda “R.I.P Lily” Lynch Elliott
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