Wow, I’ve never had such a super response to my newsletter as the last issue where I lamented about how hard it is raising kids! It’s wonderful and joyful but, for sure, being a mom is the toughest job I’ve ever had. So, I thought you might like an update on what’s been going on in my household…

You may recall that I’ve been a little challenged with my son who is testing his boundaries. I’m big on letting my kids know that there are consequences to not following the rules, talking back, being rude, etc. Well, my smart (alec?:) son has twisted that approach around and now he’s telling ME in the middle of a meltdown that the consequence of ME not letting HIM [fill in the blank here—whatever it is he is wanting to do at the moment] is his meltdown. If I would just say yes, then everything would be hunky dory, he’d settle down and life would get back to normal. Huh?

As I always do when I’m stumped about something, I read and research the issue. I stumbled upon a website with some helpful articles and basically came to the conclusion that although I can’t control my kids’ behavior, I just need to focus on me and maintaining control of my emotions in the heat of the moment. My getting upset and blowing a gasket is doing nothing to stop my son’s outbursts and in fact, just compounds the problem. [I promise, I’m not a bad mommey!] So, I’ve resolved myself to staying calm and simply sending my son to his room to calm down. Then, after everyone is calm again, I can dole out any consequences for inappropriate conduct or rule violation. Easier said than done, by the way, but things do seem to bounce back a little quicker these days since I’ve started this approach.

Remember, I can’t control other people’s behavior or decisions; I can only control myself and how I respond.

So, what does this have to do with estate planning you might ask? After all, this newsletter is about women’s estate planning issues. I share this personal anecdote for two reasons: (1) to let you know that you are not alone and I can relate; and (2) to remind you that if something happens to you (and it will at some point), that although there will be much outside of your control, there are still many decisions you can make in advance to maintain control and protect your loved ones and yourself.

For example, you can decided in advance such things as:

• Who will raise my kids if something happens to me?
• How will my kids inherit from my estate—should they get it outright, or if they are young, who do I want controlling the money until they are older?
• Who do I want to inherit my estate? (especially critical with blended or non-traditional families)
• Who do I want making medical decisions for me if I can’t do it for myself?
• Who do I want managing my finances if I can’t do it for myself?

Without a clearly written estate plan, all of these decisions and more will be made for you, either by a judge that doesn’t know you or your family, by family members you may not trust, or by the default rules of state and federal law.

So take control and remember the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.